I said Goddamn I loves me some misinformation and deliberate withholding of the truth. It makes my innards tingle.
This is a chart on americanadoptions.com listing the differences and similarities between adoption and abortion.
|You can pursue earlier goals||You can pursue earlier goals|
|You can live independently||You can live independently|
|You will not have to parent prematurely||You will not have to parent prematurely|
|You will avoid being forced into a hasty marriage or relationship||You will avoid being forced into a hasty marriage or relationship|
|If you are a teenager, you can resume your youthful lifestyle||If you are a teenager you can resume your youthful lifestyle|
|Note: There are no similarities between parenting and abortion. One important similarity between adoption and parenting is that you can give life to your child and watch your child grow up.|
|Your pregnancy ends with giving life||Your pregnancy ends with death|
|You can feel good and positive about your choice||You may feel guilt and shame about your choice|
|You will remember giving birth||You will remember taking a life|
|You will have plenty of time to plan you and your baby’s future||Abortion is final; you can’t go back on your decision|
|You can hold, name, and love your baby||You will never know or treasure your baby|
|You can have continued contact with your baby||You will miss the opportunity to see your child develop|
Truth and Transparency Needs to be a Priority in Adoption Practice
So yeah the first half of the chart seems pretty accurate and straightforward. There are many positive similar outcomes between the two for women.
Scrolling down to the differences and bingo! Out comes the manipulation and outright lies. Let’s break it down.
First up, pregnancy ending with giving life versus death. A major point I need to get across is that no one is out aborting babies just prior to their birth. So really we’re talking about giving life vs removing a ball of cells. That is my personal view on abortion and I don’t expect everyone to agree.
Next we have feeling good and positive about your choice versus feeling guilt and shame about your choice. This one made me chuckle a bit. I’ve known quite a few women who have chosen abortion and none of them feel guilt or shame or even regret over their decision. It was a medical procedure they underwent, no complications, tiny ball of cells gone, carry on with your life. None of these women took the decision lightly, but all are fine with it. I have met many women, including myself, who have chosen adoption and all of them carry guilt, shame, regret, sadness, and lifelong negative consequences of their decision. What the chart should say is that although some women can feel good and positive about their decision, most deal with the reverberations of their decision for decades.
Continuing on, we have remembering giving birth versus remembering taking a life. Oh sweet jeebus, shut the christ up. This is similar to above. Yup I remember giving birth and it haunts me every single day. Knowing what I know now, I would have chosen differently.
The next one cracks me up. I actually don’t think these two things even belong together but you know how those crazy christians are. So a woman can have plenty of time to plan for their baby’s future or they can have an abortion which is FINAL. Here’s the thing, BOTH decisions once made, are final. If they were comparing parenting to abortion I’d agree with them, but adoption is not parenting dumbasses.
Of course you can hold, name and love your baby. Yes, I held my baby and didn’t let the adoptive parents in the room. I also named my baby, which the parents promptly removed and then renamed him. And yup, to this day I love him, but it isn’t a happy love. It’s loving someone who you can never hold, talk to, express it to. It’s a sad love. Yes I knew and treasured him for those 2 days but that is it. I don’t know him anymore although I still treasure him.
And the most deceptive statement at all comes at the bottom of their chart. You can have continued contact with your baby. Well I don’t. Countless women who thought they would, do not. I have blogged about open adoption deception before so I won’t get all the way into it again, but I’m sure you get the idea.
Carrying a Pregnancy to Term for Adoption Purposes has Risks
Of course this simplistic chart gives no actual negatives to adoption but plenty of negatives about abortion. This is so misleading. The sole purpose is to con women into giving up their babies. Is it really so much to ask for a little truth and transparency in the adoption industry? Can’t we agree to fully inform women of all the negative aspects of adoption? Oh I guess we can’t since that would probably result in more abortions or *gasp* single women parenting their children.
I weep for the the young women today who are talked into adoption by lists such as these. Give these women access to other viewpoints for fucks sake.
I would venture to guess that most women choose abortion because they do not want to be pregnant. Pregnancy itself carries far more risks to a woman than abortion alone. In 2007, the rate of mortality for legal abortions was 0.6 per 100,000 procedures*. By contrast, the rates of mortality from pregnancy in the US in 2010 was 12.7 deaths per 100,000 live births**. That number does not even take into account women who died during pregnancy before childbirth. Why don’t they talk about that on their pro life websites?
*World Health Organization. Unsafe Abortion: Global and Regional Estimates of the Incidence of Unsafe Abortion and Associated Mortality in 2003. 5th edition. Geneva: WHO, 2007; http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/publications/unsafe_abortion/9789241596121/en/
**source: Centers for Disease Control
There are very few things on this earth that get me rattled as much as crazy Christian speak. As soon as I read something like, “It was God’s plan that we adopted this baby. Thank you, Jesus!”, I feel like Mrs. White from Clue (see video below).
Let’s entertain this notion that God had something to do with you getting “your baby” for a moment.
Even in the best of circumstances in adoptoland, giving away a baby is tragic. Even if the mother has never had a second thought about giving you that baby, it is a TRAGEDY. A baby not being raised by their mothers and fathers is a fucking CALAMITY!!! I’m not big on God, but let’s say he does exist. So if it was God’s plan that you were able to adopt a baby, he planned for some poor, probably unwed mother to not have access to the resources she needed to raise her own child? That kinda seems like a round-a-bout way of doing things, no?
If it was “God’s Plan” for you to have a baby, why not just knock you up??? Why did he make you infertile to begin with??? Seems like an awful waste of energy. I bet you have a snappy comeback to that too…lemme guess…God works in mysterious ways? BINGO! Well, if that’s true, God is ONE FUCKED UP DUDE.
Please adoptive parents, I beg of you, spare the world your crazy Christian diatribes about how God chose you to parent our children. It makes you sound like uneducated loony birds. It also makes you seem inherently better than the mothers from which “your chosen children” came. Like their mothers are somehow BAD and were punished so that oh-so-wonderful you could have the child you were chosen to raise. It’s insulting.
It seems to me, and hey, I’m just spit-ballin’ here, that perhaps if your God truly does exist, that maybe he would want you to spend all that time and energy you’ve invested in procuring your “chosen child” into helping a mother raise her own child???? I’ve heard it takes a village. I could have sworn I’ve read a few things about that Jesus dude wanting all of us to help each other, but maybe I’m wrong. It’s been quite a while since I’ve set foot in church.
I wonder if people really believe that God chose them to raise someone else’s child or if it’s just something they say to make themselves feel good about the horror of stripping a baby from his natural parents. I guess it’s reassuring to believe that it was all part of God’s divine path, so I’ll say it again…God is one fucked up dude!