Tagged: Adoption Agencies

Adoption vs. Abortion: What are Pro-lifers Not Telling Us

I said Goddamn I loves me some misinformation and deliberate withholding of the truth.  It makes my innards tingle.

This is a chart on americanadoptions.com listing the differences and similarities between adoption and abortion.

Similarities
Adoption Abortion
You can pursue earlier goals You can pursue earlier goals
You can live independently You can live independently
You will not have to parent prematurely You will not have to parent prematurely
You will avoid being forced into a hasty marriage or relationship You will avoid being forced into a hasty marriage or relationship
If you are a teenager, you can resume your youthful lifestyle If you are a teenager you can resume your youthful lifestyle
Note: There are no similarities between parenting and abortion. One important similarity between adoption and parenting is that you can give life to your child and watch your child grow up.
Differences
Adoption Abortion
Your pregnancy ends with giving life Your pregnancy ends with death
You can feel good and positive about your choice You may feel guilt and shame about your choice
You will remember giving birth You will remember taking a life
You will have plenty of time to plan you and your baby’s future Abortion is final; you can’t go back on your decision
You can hold, name, and love your baby You will never know or treasure your baby
You can have continued contact with your baby You will miss the opportunity to see your child develop
(Bethany Christian Services)

Truth and Transparency Needs to be a Priority in Adoption Practice

So yeah the first half of the chart seems pretty accurate and straightforward.  There are many positive similar outcomes between the two for women.

Scrolling down to the differences and bingo!  Out comes the manipulation and outright lies. Let’s break it down.

First up, pregnancy ending with giving life versus death.  A major point I need to get across is that no one is out aborting babies just prior to their birth.  So really we’re talking about giving life vs removing a ball of cells.  That is my personal view on abortion and I don’t expect everyone to agree.

Next we have feeling good and positive about your choice versus feeling guilt and shame about your choice.  This one made me chuckle a bit.  I’ve known quite a few women who have chosen abortion and none of them feel guilt or shame or even regret over their decision.  It was a medical procedure they underwent, no complications, tiny ball of cells gone, carry on with your life.  None of these women took the decision lightly, but all are fine with it.  I have met many women, including myself, who have chosen adoption and all of them carry guilt, shame, regret, sadness, and lifelong negative consequences of their decision.  What the chart should say is that although some women can feel good and positive about their decision, most deal with the reverberations of their decision for decades.

Continuing on, we have remembering giving birth versus remembering taking a life.  Oh sweet jeebus, shut the christ up.  This is similar to above.  Yup I remember giving birth and it haunts me every single day.  Knowing what I know now, I would have chosen differently.

The next one cracks me up. I actually don’t think these two things even belong together but you know how those crazy christians are.  So a woman can have plenty of time to plan for their baby’s future or they can have an abortion which is FINAL.  Here’s the thing, BOTH decisions once made, are final.  If they were comparing parenting to abortion I’d agree with them, but adoption is not parenting dumbasses.

Of course you can hold, name and love your baby.  Yes, I held my baby and didn’t let the adoptive parents in the room.  I also named my baby, which the parents promptly removed and then renamed him.  And yup, to this day I love him, but it isn’t a happy love.  It’s loving someone who you can never hold, talk to, express it to.  It’s a sad love. Yes I knew and treasured him for those 2 days but that is it.  I don’t know him anymore although I still treasure him.

And the most deceptive statement at all comes at the bottom of their chart.  You can have continued contact with your baby. Well I don’t.  Countless women who thought they would, do not.  I have blogged about open adoption deception before so I won’t get all the way into it again, but I’m sure you get the idea.

Carrying a Pregnancy to Term for Adoption Purposes has Risks

Of course this simplistic chart gives no actual negatives to adoption but plenty of negatives about abortion.  This is so misleading.  The sole purpose is to con women into giving up their babies. Is it really so much to ask for a little truth and transparency in the adoption industry?  Can’t we agree to fully inform women of all the negative aspects of adoption?  Oh I guess we can’t since that would probably result in more abortions or *gasp* single women parenting their children.

I weep for the the young women today who are talked into adoption by lists such as these.  Give these women access to other viewpoints for fucks sake.

I would venture to guess that most women choose abortion because they do not want to be pregnant.  Pregnancy itself carries far more risks to a woman than abortion alone.  In 2007, the rate of mortality for legal abortions was 0.6 per 100,000 procedures*.  By contrast, the rates of mortality from pregnancy in the US in 2010 was 12.7 deaths per 100,000 live births**.  That number does not even take into account women who died during pregnancy before childbirth.  Why don’t they talk about that on their pro life websites?

 

*World Health Organization. Unsafe Abortion: Global and Regional Estimates of the Incidence of Unsafe Abortion and Associated Mortality in 2003. 5th edition. Geneva: WHO, 2007; http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/publications/unsafe_abortion/9789241596121/en/

 

**source: Centers for Disease Control

Open Adoption as a Marketing Tool

I’m feeling riled up this morning.  Perhaps I need to step away from the ol’ laptop for a bit.  But first, I need to express my distaste for ignorant, dishonest, coercive things I have seen on many comments around facebook and adoptoland.  I can’t possibly respond to every ridiculous thing that is written so I am just going to vomit up my distaste for the open adoption lie here.  Get your buckets ready.

The Birth of Open Adoption

The number of infants available for adoption in the US has steadily declined in recent years.  The reasons behind this include better access to birth control, legality of abortion, and acceptance of single-motherhood. The number of people who want to adopt infants has increased partially due to women putting off having children in favor of careers.  Unfortunately, biology hasn’t caught up with women’s rights yet.

This disparity in supply and demand of infants has created quite a problem for the adoption industry.  The adoption industry could no longer scoop babies up in record numbers and hand them over to the piles of money waiting for an infant anymore.  They needed to come up with a marketing scheme to persuade women to hand over their children.  In walks open adoption.

Open Adoption is a Marketing Tool for the Adoption Industry

The promise of open adoption is a powerful tool in the adoption industry’s arsenal.  They recognized that a major obstacle to convincing women to give up their babies was the fact that there was no contact.  Not surprisingly, most mothers want to know how their children are being raised.  Open adoption was the solution to that.  Yes, mothers, you can still see your children grow up.  You can still have a relationship with them, just hand them over and the adoptive parents will make sure you are still a part of their life.  What the adoption industry fails to advertise is that open adoption agreements can become closed at any time. Just take a look at one example on the Bethany Christian Services site.  They never state that the adoption could become closed at any time.

Open Adoption Agreements are Not Legally Enforceable

Some states do recognize open adoption agreements as legal documents however, these agreements can be voided if found not to be in the best interests of the child.  In no state does the penalty involve nullifying the adoption.  It should also be noted that many first families do not possess the necessary financial resources to fund a legal proceeding and so are left with no way to argue against closing an adoption.

It is my position that all open adoption agreements should be legal and binding.  If the adoptive family chooses to close an adoption without the consent of the courts, it should be considered a criminal case.  Perhaps this is extreme, but slapping an adoptive family with a fine because they closed their adoption is not exactly a deterrent.

Open Adoption is a Bait and Switch Technique

There are many adoptive families who take their responsibility to keep their adoption open seriously.  I applaud these people.  That being said, there is a special place in hell for adoptive parents who enter into an open adoption agreement knowing they have no intention of keeping it open.  For many women, being able to have an open adoption is the deciding factor on whether they will relinquish their baby.  It is akin to stealing a baby from its mother when adoptive parents cut off all communication.

I have seen so many comments on various forums, facebook and articles singing the praises of open adoption.  I am sure that those of you out there (first mothers and adoptive parents alike) who are keeping up your end of the agreement have a very positive view on open adoption.  I, too, think if adoption must exist, that fully open adoptions should be the norm.  However, to these same people who talk about their wonderful open adoption experience, I ask you, would you not feel more in control if you knew, without a doubt that your adoption would stay open?  How can you praise open adoption if there is no way of knowing that others’ agreements will be honored?  If anything, you should be pushing for more regulations to be put in place so that all future agreements are honored.  How can we take something as important as our children and leave it up to flawed individuals to keep that agreement in place?

Until open adoptions agreements are legally enforceable they should not be mentioned in adoption advertisements or presented as fact to expecting mothers.  It is morally reprehensible for agencies not to disclose these facts to expecting mothers before entering into agreements with adoptive parents.

 

 

16 and Pregnant Star Tyler- Ignorance is Bliss

Before I start, first head on over to the First Mother Forum and read the rage levied at everyone over there from 16 and Pregnant reality TV star, Tyler Baltierra (of Catelynn and Tyler fame).  If you don’t know who he is, he and his girlfriend are the current poster children for Bethany Christian Services and the adoption industry in general.  They have starred on every season of  Teen Mom and were in the original series, 16 and Pregnant.  They are first parents.

Pawns for the Adoption Industry

I have commented over at FMF but I still have so much grrrrrr left in me that I need to vent it out.  And so…vent commencing…

An Open Letter to Tyler Baltierra

I have tremendous empathy for you, Tyler and Catelynn, really I do.  I was once a newborn first mother trying desperately to justify giving away my son.  Had I read FMF back then, I probably would have been angry at first too.  FMF does not discuss the virtues of adoption.  It is not all rainbows and unicorn farts (which smell like cherry lemonade by the way) over there.  Loraine and Jane are in the trenches, talking about the hard topics, trying to make a difference.  If just one scared pregnant mother reads through FMF and decided to raise their child, it is well worth their efforts.  Tyler, calling these women bitter and ignorant is incorrect.  Angry about the adoption industry, for sure.  Ignorant of it, absolutely not.  The word ignorant does not apply here.  In fact, Tyler, I am unsure if you really know what the word, ignorant, means.  It seems that you believe it to mean: does not agree with Tyler.  Many people disagree with me, but they are not all ignorant, although I would like to believe they are.  It might be helpful to have the actual definition in front of you. Just click on ignorant and voila!

I think it’s great that you now know the last names of the people raising your daughter and their address.  I haven’t kept up much with your reality show, but last I saw neither of these things were true.  I’m glad your daughter’s parents decided to give you this information.  However, this minor detail (sarcasm intended) probably should have been discussed with Dawn (oh I’ll get to her in a minute) before you handed over your child.  In all actuality, in most cases, open adoptions tend to start to shut but it seems yours is going in the other direction which is wonderful.

In the next paragraph you say you are fully aware that the a-parents can close the adoption at any time and that is apparently fine with you.  You say you chose them and they have complete control.  Wowzers.  I’m not sure that most people would be okay with others exerting that much control over their lives.  I’m not quite sure I believe that you would be okay with Carly’s parents deciding to close all communication with you and moving to another country.  You go on to say that you have FAITH and then proceed to define FAITH as, “believing in something when everyone surrounding you tells you not to”. It seems to me that everyone around YOU in particular was/is counting on you and Catelynn having faith that things will turn out wonderful.  I’m not sure that I would rely on having faith when it came to having on going communication with my child.  I think by faith, you mean that you truly have no alternative at this point but to believe the a-parents.  I mean, you can’t do anything about it now if they chose to close the adoption.  I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen, for Carly’s sake.  You should know that her a-parents have plenty of reasons to close it at this point, primarily the fact that you and Catelynn could be seen as doing harm to Carly’s mental health by appearing on a reality show centered around her adoption.  Just keep that in mind.

You say that you researched “everything about adoption” prior to making your decision.  So let me get this straight, you knew beforehand that the best thing for an infant is to stay with its mother. You knew about the life long repercussions for Carly even if she had a wondrous, rainbow filled life?  You knew that there was no guarantee that the adoption would stay open?  You knew how much money BCS would be making off of your daughter if you placed her? If all of that is true, I commend you because I certainly did not have any of that information nor was it offered to me by my “counselor”.

Now onto the reality tv portion of this diatribe.  You say that no one knows everything about your life just because you were on tv.  I agree.  However, isn’t the purpose of you being on reality tv to show us, the viewer, how adoption is affecting your lives?  If not, I’m just not getting it.  You really can’t have it both ways.  You can’t act all shaken and angry when someone comments on your VERY PUBLIC personal life.  It is your choice to be in the public eye.  You make money from being in the public eye.  You should be aware that there will be scrutiny.  Welcome to the 21st century.

Some of the comments on FMF refer to Dawn, your counselor extraordinaire.  If you haven’t already, you both really need to go to a therapist or counselor that is separate from your adoption agency. Dawn had a vested interest in getting your daughter. She is employed by the agency, she earns a paycheck from the agency. Ask yourself if she would still be employed by that agency if she failed to convince women to give up their children. She also has a vested interest in you and Catelynn being vocal supporters of the adoption industry. She has no vested interest in your ACTUAL well being. She is the agency. She needs you to stay positive and vocal about adoption. You are their spokesperson and they MAKE MONEY FROM YOU being positive about adoption. Adoption agencies make money from adoption. A lot of money. Billions of dollars in fact. Please understand this and be informed. Whether or not you did the right thing for Carly in the long run, they still make money from you. Don’t let them use you both like this. Don’t let them profit from your misery. The Adoption Industry is making money from convincing women they are making a selfless decision and choosing a loving option. In what other context is giving a child away selfless or loving?

Lastly, I need to address why I, personally, take issue with you and Catelynn.  People take issue with your circumstance because you are using it to coerce other birth parents into giving away their child. And since I am a birth mother, no I did not make an adoption plan, I gave my son away. No amount of positive adoption language is going to change that. If I may ask, how many birth mothers who have given their children up for adoption 10 plus years ago are ever present in your support groups or panel discussions? Close to zero, I’d wager. Do you ever wonder why that is so? These are very important questions to ask yourselves.

Please, at the very least, do some research into adult adoptee issues. Listen to the people who have gone before you, listen to their truths. Consider the facts and decide if you and Catelynn really want to be a part of contributing to the misery of other children and their birth parents by touting the virtues of adoption. Don’t react, take a deep breath, and seek out the truth of adoption. It will be painful to read what others have to say, but it will be worth it.

Catelynn and Tyler are Adoption Industry Pawns

No, my open letter is probably not the kindest.  I do empathize with them to a point.  However I do harbor my fair share of anger at them for being pawns in the war against scared expectant mothers.  In my view, a woman who is truly sure that adoption is the right choice for her isn’t going to give a crap what the Tyler and Catelynns of the world say.  It’s the women who are scared and unsure that I worry about.  It’s the women who are so much like I was that break my heart.  They need someone to guide them in the other direction, not toward adoption.  They don’t need newly made first parents singing from the hilltops about adoption, they need fully versed first parents like Loraine and Jane to tell them what they may not want to hear, but what they NEED to hear.

The Myth of Choice in Adoption

Information is power.  When armed with information a birth mother has the power she needs to make an informed decision.  When information is withheld from birth mothers about the long-term effects of relinquishment on both herself and her child, can it really be said that she made a choice?  Is it a choice when she is not presented with every avenue she can utilize to raise her child?

Adoption Truths: Whose Responsibility is it?

When adoption “counselors” present only skewed information it gives the illusion to the birth mother that she is making an informed decision.  A birth mother trusts that the “counselor” is looking out for her best interests and the best interests of her child. She is already scared and unsure of her ability to parent.  When she seeks out counseling in other scenarios, i.e. depression, anxiety,  she can safely assume that the counselor is going to help her and do so with her well-being in mind.  She would assume that an adoption counselor would have the same code of ethics.  The problem is that most adoption “counselors” have a vested interest in a mother giving up her child.  The counselor in this scenario is employed by the adoption agency and this is unethical.

The counter argument to this would be that it is the mother’s responsibility to seek out and understand all the nuances of adoption.  She needs to educate herself on all the possible outcomes for herself and her child.  That it is not the agency’s responsibility to talk a mother out of adoption.

Let’s take this out of the adoption context for a moment.  Imagine a 17-year-old boy who is told by his doctor that he has a heart condition.  His doctor has told him there are 2 options, he can either have surgery or he can attempt to control his condition with medication.  Whose responsibility is it to explain to this boy all of the side effects, all of the possible outcomes, what the dangers of each choice entails?  Should it be the boy’s responsibility to research and educate himself on all the possibilities?  What if his doctor has only told him all of the positive outcomes of surgery without informing him of the negative outcomes or not explored in-depth the medication option?  Take it one step further, what if his doctor actually gives him misinformation about his condition?  None of these things would be ethical.  The boy would not be able to make an informed decision. Is that true choice?

Am I the Face of True Choice?

For years I had thought I made a true choice.  I thought that I had chosen to give my child a better life.  I was scared and naive.  I was told that yes, I would be sad for a long time, but someday I would have children of my own.  I was told that giving my son to his adoptive parents was the best option because they were stable and would give my son the best life.  I was not informed of the possible long term effects of adoption for my son.  I was not told about the myriad programs out there to help me succeed in raising my son.  I was offered so called counseling that only focused on the adoption option.  I was not informed of the long term effects to myself.  I was not offered therapy or support groups.  I was continually told how wonderful adoption is, how it is a gift, how it is selfless.  I was not told that his parents could stop sending me photos and updates at any time (which they did).  I was dropped like a hot potato after relinquishing my son.  There was no follow up. I wanted to believe I had made a true choice because the other side of it was unthinkable.  It turns out I gave my son up without being fully knowledgeable about all my options.  He was my son, my blood, my love, my family and I gave him away.

Real Choices Need Real Information

For adoption to be a true, ethical choice the adoption industry needs to employ truth and transparency. It should be their responsibility to present all possible outcomes to prospective birth mothers.  It should be their responsibility to present every possible option available to mothers so that they can parent their children.  A mother should be counseled by a professional who has zero vested interest in the outcome.  A mother should have at her disposal her own attorney that also has no vested interest an there needs to be no conflict of interest.  It is only when the truth is presented to a mother that she can truly make a real choice about adoption.

Adoption Trauma in Adoptees

When I gave my son up for adoption I was led to believe that he would have no feelings of abandonment.  I was led to believe that he would be “as if” born to his new parents.  It was my understanding that it would be best to sign the relinquishment papers as soon as possible (here in Connecticut you can not sign until 48 hours after the birth).  I wanted him to bond immediately with his parents so that he would not feel abandoned by me.  I thought that “trying to parent” him would be detrimental to his mental health.  I did not want him to go to cradle care because I wanted him to feel safe with his new parents.  I was led to believe that if I did not sign at the 48 hour mark, there was no guarantee that he could be adopted by anyone and he might be forced to live in foster care.  I assumed that he would have no emotional attachment to me, his mother.  It turns out, I may have been very wrong.

The Separation of Adoptee and Mother Can Be Traumatic

Karl Stenske has written a thought provoking article at Adoptive Voices Magazine, entitled, “Adoptee View: What Can a Tiny Baby Know?”  Here is a little about the author:

Karl Stenske shares a rich and compelling story as an adoptee. Being one of the many who had a great adopted family, he never thought being adopted had a big effect on his life. But at 37, Karl began to unravel the true impact adoption did have on his life and the lives of those who loved, and tried to love him. A sought after speaker and educator, Karl offers insights into the wounds created when any child is separated from his birth mother. In The Hidden Life of an Adopted Child: Understanding the Impact of Adoption, Karl explores the traumatic experience suffered by that separation and its influence on self-esteem, value, worth, and identity.

His article describes how adoption is not only a trauma to the birth mother, but also to the adoptee.  We have no way of knowing this because a baby has no language.  He can’t tell us what he is feeling except by crying or lack of crying.  It stands to reason that if a baby knows their biological mother through smell or their voice that if they are taken away from their mother they would mourn.  It must be traumatic, being taken away from everything you have ever known.

Stenske also goes on to explain that many adoptees carry this trauma with them throughout their lives.  Sometimes without ever realizing that their fear of abandonment, depression, relationship issues, low self-esteem, etc. could stem from the original trauma of being given up for adoption.  It is troubling to learn that the incidence of attempted suicide is higher in the adoptee population than in the general population (7.6% vs. 3.1%) as reported by a 2001 study*.

Adoptee Trauma Must Be Part of the Conversation

It concerns me greatly to hear Stenske’s point of view.  Concerns me because as a naive 21 year old who was told my child would have a better life I was not told about the potential for a negative impact on my son.  The entire premise of giving my son up for adoption was based on the notion that he would have the best life possible, much better than what he would have with me.  If that wasn’t the truth, than I would never have considered it.

Information on the life long negative impact of adoption trauma to adoptees must be presented to expecting mothers considering adoption.  A person considering adoption must be made aware of all the facts of adoption, not just the sunshiney picture of it most agencies and adoption counselors like to present.

*Slap G., Goodman E., Huang B. (2001). Adoption as a risk factor for attempted suicide in adolescence. Pediatrics Aug,108(2)E30.

Adoption Fundraisers: Is it Right?

Fundraisers are everywhere these days.  I have 2 children in school now and I probably get at least 2 fundraisers come home every month.  Usually these fundraisers are to raise money for their school or to raise money for a specific cause like breast cancer or juvenile diabetes.  Add girl scout cookie fundraisers and boy scout troop popcorn sales and we’re pretty much always being asked to contribute to something.  None of these things rub me the wrong way because they are causes I can get behind.

Fundraising for Adoptions: Who is Worthy?

For awhile now I have been seeing more and more fundraisers for adoptions.  I have seen individual blogs asking for donations for their domestic infant adoption funds.  I have seen blogs asking for money towards their international adoptions.  I have seen people selling trinkets or tshirts to help fund their adoptions.  I have seen garage sales for raising funds for adoption.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, but every time I saw one advertised on a website my first thought was ew.

The “ew” face

 

So last night, I really tried to explore why exactly all these fundraisers and donations for adoption made me cringe.

Domestic infant adoptions and international adoptions are two very different animals.  When I see people asking for donations for their domestic adoptions I know exactly why my stomach turns.  My personal reasons for giving my son up were money related.  So, seeing these fundraisers hits home for me.  Especially when I see people fundraising for friends or family who want to adopt.  If you can raise funds for other people to adopt a baby, why the hell is no one raising funds for women who would love to keep their own baby?  Money is pretty much the #1 concern for women who choose adoption so all that fundraising really makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.  Why isn’t the woman who is actually giving birth worthy of fundraisers?  Why isn’t the baby who is about to lose everything they know worthy?

On a more personal note, when I was choosing my son’s parents from the profiles at the agency I wanted to make certain that they were stable financially. I assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that anyone that was given the OK to adopt would have money.  Not wealthy, but upper middle class at least.  It wasn’t because I thought people with money were inherently better than those without, it was just that I thought I couldn’t keep my son because I wasn’t stable financially.  If I had found out the parents were asking for donations or needing to fundraise for the adoption costs I would have been very upset.  In my mind, it would have meant that they were more worthy because people liked them enough to contribute to them, but not to me.

Adoption is seen by the majority of our society as a positive thing.  Most people only see adoption from the point of view of the people who can not have children biologically and want more than anything to raise a child.  It is acceptable to help a couple in need who just want to have a family of their own.  It is less acceptable to help a woman in need raise her own child.

Adoption Fundraising for International Adoption : Who is it Really Helping?

As far as international adoption fundraisers are concerned it just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.  Adopting one child from another country is so expensive, wouldn’t that money do so much more good by donating it to a community or an orphanage?  I get it, really I do.  These people want to grow their family.  It just kills me that this needs to be done by removing a child from their country of origin.

Children in our country that are in foster care are much cheaper to adopt.  I have read that the process is much lengthier for foster care adoptions and much more involved.  But these children are just as worthy as those in other countries.  If someone needs to fundraise to adopt overseas, isn’t foster care adoption a much more feasible option?

Raising Money for Child/Baby Purchase

In my idea of a perfect adoption system, no money would change hands at all.  Usually people who are adopting say that they have the means to take care of the child once they’re home, but it’s getting them home that they need help with.  If that’s true, it just sounds like people are buying babies and children.  So in that light, fundraising is the means to buy a child.  That is not right.

I understand that with the extremely high cost of domestic infant adoptions and international adoptions, most people just don’t have that kind of money saved up.  But does that mean it’s ethical to ask others to help with the cost, thereby reinforcing the extreme financial costs of the adoption industry?  What are your thoughts?

I would love to hear from adoptive parents who have gone this route.  No, this isn’t some kind of trick.  I really want to understand the thought process behind fundraising.  What kind of adoption would you/did you fundraise for?  If you agree with fundraising for IA would you/do you support fundraising for domestic infant adoptions?

Bravelove.org – The Wacky World of Adoption Agencies

Bravelove : A Fountain of Adoption Misinformation

Claud over at Musings of the Lame has written an informative piece on Bravelove.  Their mission?   Yeah, I’m her stalker superfan.  She’s got mad investigating skills, check out what she dug up on Bravelove.

Bravelove Uses Adoption Propaganda to Get Fresh Infants

I want to address Bravelove’s video (seen below):

So, what’s wrong with this video, you ask?

1. It is written from the supposed viewpoint of a child and presumably an adoptee.  This would lead someone to believe that all adoptees are thrilled they are adopted (false) and that all adoptees view their birth mothers in a positive light (also false).  An expectant mother would view this video thinking that adoption is what is best for the child (yup false). Of course we want what is best for our baby, but adoption is not always the answer.  The only thing adoption can promise is that our baby’s life will be different, not better.  It is also disturbing that the agency is speaking FOR adoptees through this child.

2. Birthmothers are called superheroes.  If I am an expecting mother watching this, I’m probably thinking it would be really cool to be a superhero and the only way to gain that status is to give my baby away.  It is much more heroic to raise your own child when faced with obstacles. So, if I’m a superhero for giving my child away, what am I if I decide to keep him?  A super villain?

It also implies that the adoptee will view their birthmother as such. Take a look at all the adult adoptee blogs out there.  There are many, many views about their first mothers.  It’s never as simple as, “she was a superhero.”

3. If we replace the weird super hero jedi kid running around and mouthing off about adoption with a prospective adoptive mother the entire tone and attitude of the video changes.  It would sound like a person who really really really really wants to raise someone else’s baby.  It would sound like they were entitled to raise someone’s baby.  It would be offensive.

4. All the double-talk Mom-mother speak is confusing.  Which one am I again?

5.  Quote from the masked jedi, “She can turn 9 months into a lifetime…”  The first time I watched this video I literally yelled, “OF PAIN” at the computer.  Tell me, Obi-wan Adoptee, what exactly does a lifetime without your child feel like?  What exactly does a lifetime of being separated from your first family feel like?

6. MAYBE that’s easier said than done??? MAYBE??? But being a superhero always is. There is no maybe about it. Giving my child away was the most traumatic event in my life thus far. I could not have chosen a more painful path to walk on in this lifetime.  I assure you that giving my baby away is far more painful than raising him on my own could have ever been.

Bravelove Needs Expectant Mothers to Believe They are Saints

Could this company try any harder to make women think they are saints for giving up their children?  Since when is it an expecting mother’s DUTY to make a couple a family?

What is even worse than this video is Bravelove’s facebook page  They offer up statistics, never citing where they came from. They have nauseating “fill in the blank, adoption is….” posts which of course have adoptive parents lining up to tell us what adoption means to them.  Their entire page and website is visual ipecac.

Just yesterday, the mission on their facebook page and website was stated as “increasing domestic adoptions”.  Funny how today it has been changed to: “To change the perception of adoption through honest, informative, and hopeful communication that conveys the heroism and bravery a birth mother displays when she places her child with a loving family through adoption.”  I guess the PR peeps thought that stating they wanted to increase their supply of fresh out of the womb infants for the growing demand of adopters with tons of money to throw at their agency was a little too truthful.

My final thought on Bravelove: Their website and facebook page is only presenting the image of the “happy adoption.” There is no exploration or communication of the fact that there are many people out there that have been through or are still involved in adoption that don’t view adoption in a happy light.