Tagged: adopters

Craigslist: The Undiscovered Frontier for Adopters

As seen on Craigslist New Haven this week:

 
We are a married couple who are unable to have children of our own and are looking to you to help us with your generous gift.
We will offer your baby a lifetime of love, support, and caring in a great home environment.
We’re looking for a private adoption and have already had our home study completed by a reputable licensed agency.
We work with a great adoption attorney who has adopted children himself and is a member of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys.
Please visit our website to learn more about us. http://www.IreneandGreg.com or call us at 1-888-292-2003 (our direct line)
Thanks for visiting and we look forward to meeting you!

 

This one included pics of a beautiful home, an empty, fully loaded nursery, and wedding photos of the couple:
Our baby boys passed away as infants due to unforeseen, unrelated health problems. Our love of children and the desire to build a family has led us to adoption. We have a completed home study and are waiting to give an infant an excellent home.

If you, or someone you know, is considering placing their child for adoption please review our website at http://www.DanaandBobby2Adopt.shutterfly.com to learn more about us and contact us at DanaandBobby2Adopt@yahoo.com or 973-223-6453 when you are ready. The decision you are considering is a selfless act of pure love, strength and courage. We admire you more than words can describe and hope to join you on this journey together. 

Craigslist Adoption Ads are Unethical and Disturbing

Dear Irene, Greg, Dana, and Bobby,

Stop it.  You are so much better than this.  The fact that you are posting ads on craigslist in the hopes of bringing home someone else’s precious child seriously calls into question your ethical and moral boundaries.  Actually, it flat out screams you have none.  Even if it does work, do you really want to have to explain to your child that you placed an ad for him on Craigslist?  Or that his original mother decided to look for his parents on Craigslist?

Irene and Greg–
A child should not be gifted to anyone.  You give gifts on birthdays and holidays.  You wrap them up with a pretty bow.  Children are not things to be gifted.

What in God’s name does YOU having a wonderful adoption attorney have to do with anything?  I seriously hope you are not suggesting that this attorney can represent both yourselves AND a potential birth mother.  That would be highly unethical and a big, fat conflict of interests.

I also find it strange that your “direct line” is a toll-free number.  So you want this woman to potentially give you their baby, but can’t bear the thought of her having your home phone number…sketchy.

Dana and Bobby–

I am so sorry for your loss.  Nothing, not even adopting a new baby, will make that loss easier to cope with.  The fact that you are using the death of your sons to try to coerce a mother into giving you their baby is disgusting.  The entire reason you bring your dead sons’ up in the ad is to pull at the heart strings.  Take a good look in the mirror and decide if that is the kind of people you want to be.

You call the decision to give a child up, “a selfless act of pure love, strength and courage.” So, if that same person decides to keep their child is that a selfish act of pure hatred, weakness, and cowardice?  Choose your words carefully please.

You say that you hope to join this mythical, as of yet unidentified, pregnant woman on her journey.  It is not a journey, it is a pregnancy and you should keep the hell out of it.

I especially like the longing pic of your empty nursery.  Well played, adopters, well played.

Please go troll for babies elsewhere.  You aren’t even supposed to place ads for adopting dogs on craigslist, let alone infants.

Sincerely,

A Fed Up Original Mother

P.S- If you haven’t already, please consider participating in the Craiglist Adoption Truth Project, it’s super easy and guaranteed to piss off a few people (always a plus!)

I Loves Me Some Adopter Comments

So it looks like this blog is turning into more of a “oh you crazy adopter” type of blog and you know what? I am fine with that. There are so many others out there in the adoptoblogosphere who maintain their equilibrium a bit better when confronted with nutballs. I am just not there yet. I would love to be the classy lady who speaks their truth without flushing and spiraling down into a rage filled abyss, but I have not gotten to that place yet. I try to be respectful when commenting on articles or facebook posts, but in reality I sit behind my laptop seething and all I want to do is scream obscenities. So, I am going to do that here (cover your ears)…

First up, we have a driveling article entitled, “Adoptive parent urges: If you’re not ready to parent, consider adoption option”. I’ll let you read it, but be prepared, the interviewee jumps to quite a few conclusions about adoption.

Sarah Hamlin is apparently convinced that more women should put up their children for adoption if they’re unprepared for parenthood. She jumps to the conclusion that us original mothers would have eventually abused or neglected our children, had we kept them, and they would have ended up in foster care in the end. She, of course, has no studies to back that up. The first time I read the article, I wasn’t sure if I was reading it correctly. This Sarah adopter couldn’t really be saying that, right? All of her children are foster adoptees. So she has not had actual experience with infant adoption.

She goes on to say how all of her children’s issues could have been avoided if there was an earlier adoption plan put in place. Okay, in some of her children’s cases I’ll let her have that one. However, one of her children suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome sooooo I’m not sure how an adoption plan would have helped.

And then she starts with the open adoption is a cure-all nonsense. Here’s where I yell, “shut the fuck up” at the screen. Open adoptions are not enforceable and should not be used as cure-all for the heartache of giving up one’s child. She then goes on to say that all of her adoptees have open adoptions, oh except for the one with a drunk for a mother who is probably dead and no one knows where the father is. Uhm yeah that’s not open then arsehole.

The worst thing I can say about this Sarah is that she seems like her heart is in the right place but she is uneducated about infant adoptions in the US. I give her props for adopting out of foster care though.

Moving on to the commenters….here’s where it gets ugly…

First up we have Wendi, obviously an adopter. Wendi backs up her comments with statistics which have no bearing on the conversation. Wendi REALLY likes statistics. Well, actually, just one set of statistics about how many adoptions are infants vs. foster care vs. international. Apparently Wendi refuses to acknowledge the social norms which played a part in baby scoop era adoptions since there are no stats on it. The study which Wendi loves (for what reason I have no idea) had adoptive parents as the survey group. Not one adoptive parent in the survey stated they coerced or stole an infant from its mother, SHOCKING! Walk with me a bit further down the page…

Wendi goes on to proclaim that she is “intimately involved with adopted children and an adoptive parent” herself, I know, I was taken aback as well. She goes on to exclaim that adoptive parents are far more educated than other parents, surprisingly there is no statistic to back that statement up. Wendi then states while open adoptions can close, it’s usually the birth mother who does so because adoptive families understand the importance of open communication. Right, because Wendi is far more superior to us biological mothers who care not a whit for our children’s well beings. In the climax of her comment she goes on to explain to everyone how her child’s birth mother has no regrets. And if she did, I’m absolutely positive you would be the first one she told, Wendi.

Superior adoptoraptor says…

A bit further down the page, Wendi once again tells us how her son’s mother feels, because she is delusional no wait uhm psychic no that’s not right either… and apparently a judge told Wendi her and her son were “now blood”, that must be some medical procedure he had to endure. Wendi is also firmly entrenched with the idea that all birth mothers made an informed choice to give up their children, it’s the law in every state, and so adoption is a beautiful, miraculous thing for her. Oh she also threw in the old standby about how she’s sorry if someone had a bad adoption experience but that is not how most adoptions are, silly me was thinking that all adoptions should be handled ethically and if only one was mishandled it should be looked into since afterall we are talking about human beings.

Of course, I had to pop on over there and write a few things of my own about coercive practices in adoption, about how speaking for birth mothers was really not ok or representative of the truth, and of course about how open adoptions are unenforceable.
The article itself seemed a bit whimsical, but Wendi, Oh dear, sweet, loving, perfect, smart, superior Wendi, really got my blood pressure up. Feel free to head over and contribute to the comments.

Eta–just noticed some of the comments on the article can only be seen from an actual computer for some reason.

16 and Pregnant Star Tyler- Ignorance is Bliss

Before I start, first head on over to the First Mother Forum and read the rage levied at everyone over there from 16 and Pregnant reality TV star, Tyler Baltierra (of Catelynn and Tyler fame).  If you don’t know who he is, he and his girlfriend are the current poster children for Bethany Christian Services and the adoption industry in general.  They have starred on every season of  Teen Mom and were in the original series, 16 and Pregnant.  They are first parents.

Pawns for the Adoption Industry

I have commented over at FMF but I still have so much grrrrrr left in me that I need to vent it out.  And so…vent commencing…

An Open Letter to Tyler Baltierra

I have tremendous empathy for you, Tyler and Catelynn, really I do.  I was once a newborn first mother trying desperately to justify giving away my son.  Had I read FMF back then, I probably would have been angry at first too.  FMF does not discuss the virtues of adoption.  It is not all rainbows and unicorn farts (which smell like cherry lemonade by the way) over there.  Loraine and Jane are in the trenches, talking about the hard topics, trying to make a difference.  If just one scared pregnant mother reads through FMF and decided to raise their child, it is well worth their efforts.  Tyler, calling these women bitter and ignorant is incorrect.  Angry about the adoption industry, for sure.  Ignorant of it, absolutely not.  The word ignorant does not apply here.  In fact, Tyler, I am unsure if you really know what the word, ignorant, means.  It seems that you believe it to mean: does not agree with Tyler.  Many people disagree with me, but they are not all ignorant, although I would like to believe they are.  It might be helpful to have the actual definition in front of you. Just click on ignorant and voila!

I think it’s great that you now know the last names of the people raising your daughter and their address.  I haven’t kept up much with your reality show, but last I saw neither of these things were true.  I’m glad your daughter’s parents decided to give you this information.  However, this minor detail (sarcasm intended) probably should have been discussed with Dawn (oh I’ll get to her in a minute) before you handed over your child.  In all actuality, in most cases, open adoptions tend to start to shut but it seems yours is going in the other direction which is wonderful.

In the next paragraph you say you are fully aware that the a-parents can close the adoption at any time and that is apparently fine with you.  You say you chose them and they have complete control.  Wowzers.  I’m not sure that most people would be okay with others exerting that much control over their lives.  I’m not quite sure I believe that you would be okay with Carly’s parents deciding to close all communication with you and moving to another country.  You go on to say that you have FAITH and then proceed to define FAITH as, “believing in something when everyone surrounding you tells you not to”. It seems to me that everyone around YOU in particular was/is counting on you and Catelynn having faith that things will turn out wonderful.  I’m not sure that I would rely on having faith when it came to having on going communication with my child.  I think by faith, you mean that you truly have no alternative at this point but to believe the a-parents.  I mean, you can’t do anything about it now if they chose to close the adoption.  I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen, for Carly’s sake.  You should know that her a-parents have plenty of reasons to close it at this point, primarily the fact that you and Catelynn could be seen as doing harm to Carly’s mental health by appearing on a reality show centered around her adoption.  Just keep that in mind.

You say that you researched “everything about adoption” prior to making your decision.  So let me get this straight, you knew beforehand that the best thing for an infant is to stay with its mother. You knew about the life long repercussions for Carly even if she had a wondrous, rainbow filled life?  You knew that there was no guarantee that the adoption would stay open?  You knew how much money BCS would be making off of your daughter if you placed her? If all of that is true, I commend you because I certainly did not have any of that information nor was it offered to me by my “counselor”.

Now onto the reality tv portion of this diatribe.  You say that no one knows everything about your life just because you were on tv.  I agree.  However, isn’t the purpose of you being on reality tv to show us, the viewer, how adoption is affecting your lives?  If not, I’m just not getting it.  You really can’t have it both ways.  You can’t act all shaken and angry when someone comments on your VERY PUBLIC personal life.  It is your choice to be in the public eye.  You make money from being in the public eye.  You should be aware that there will be scrutiny.  Welcome to the 21st century.

Some of the comments on FMF refer to Dawn, your counselor extraordinaire.  If you haven’t already, you both really need to go to a therapist or counselor that is separate from your adoption agency. Dawn had a vested interest in getting your daughter. She is employed by the agency, she earns a paycheck from the agency. Ask yourself if she would still be employed by that agency if she failed to convince women to give up their children. She also has a vested interest in you and Catelynn being vocal supporters of the adoption industry. She has no vested interest in your ACTUAL well being. She is the agency. She needs you to stay positive and vocal about adoption. You are their spokesperson and they MAKE MONEY FROM YOU being positive about adoption. Adoption agencies make money from adoption. A lot of money. Billions of dollars in fact. Please understand this and be informed. Whether or not you did the right thing for Carly in the long run, they still make money from you. Don’t let them use you both like this. Don’t let them profit from your misery. The Adoption Industry is making money from convincing women they are making a selfless decision and choosing a loving option. In what other context is giving a child away selfless or loving?

Lastly, I need to address why I, personally, take issue with you and Catelynn.  People take issue with your circumstance because you are using it to coerce other birth parents into giving away their child. And since I am a birth mother, no I did not make an adoption plan, I gave my son away. No amount of positive adoption language is going to change that. If I may ask, how many birth mothers who have given their children up for adoption 10 plus years ago are ever present in your support groups or panel discussions? Close to zero, I’d wager. Do you ever wonder why that is so? These are very important questions to ask yourselves.

Please, at the very least, do some research into adult adoptee issues. Listen to the people who have gone before you, listen to their truths. Consider the facts and decide if you and Catelynn really want to be a part of contributing to the misery of other children and their birth parents by touting the virtues of adoption. Don’t react, take a deep breath, and seek out the truth of adoption. It will be painful to read what others have to say, but it will be worth it.

Catelynn and Tyler are Adoption Industry Pawns

No, my open letter is probably not the kindest.  I do empathize with them to a point.  However I do harbor my fair share of anger at them for being pawns in the war against scared expectant mothers.  In my view, a woman who is truly sure that adoption is the right choice for her isn’t going to give a crap what the Tyler and Catelynns of the world say.  It’s the women who are scared and unsure that I worry about.  It’s the women who are so much like I was that break my heart.  They need someone to guide them in the other direction, not toward adoption.  They don’t need newly made first parents singing from the hilltops about adoption, they need fully versed first parents like Loraine and Jane to tell them what they may not want to hear, but what they NEED to hear.

Adoption Fundraisers: Is it Right?

Fundraisers are everywhere these days.  I have 2 children in school now and I probably get at least 2 fundraisers come home every month.  Usually these fundraisers are to raise money for their school or to raise money for a specific cause like breast cancer or juvenile diabetes.  Add girl scout cookie fundraisers and boy scout troop popcorn sales and we’re pretty much always being asked to contribute to something.  None of these things rub me the wrong way because they are causes I can get behind.

Fundraising for Adoptions: Who is Worthy?

For awhile now I have been seeing more and more fundraisers for adoptions.  I have seen individual blogs asking for donations for their domestic infant adoption funds.  I have seen blogs asking for money towards their international adoptions.  I have seen people selling trinkets or tshirts to help fund their adoptions.  I have seen garage sales for raising funds for adoption.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, but every time I saw one advertised on a website my first thought was ew.

The “ew” face

 

So last night, I really tried to explore why exactly all these fundraisers and donations for adoption made me cringe.

Domestic infant adoptions and international adoptions are two very different animals.  When I see people asking for donations for their domestic adoptions I know exactly why my stomach turns.  My personal reasons for giving my son up were money related.  So, seeing these fundraisers hits home for me.  Especially when I see people fundraising for friends or family who want to adopt.  If you can raise funds for other people to adopt a baby, why the hell is no one raising funds for women who would love to keep their own baby?  Money is pretty much the #1 concern for women who choose adoption so all that fundraising really makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.  Why isn’t the woman who is actually giving birth worthy of fundraisers?  Why isn’t the baby who is about to lose everything they know worthy?

On a more personal note, when I was choosing my son’s parents from the profiles at the agency I wanted to make certain that they were stable financially. I assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that anyone that was given the OK to adopt would have money.  Not wealthy, but upper middle class at least.  It wasn’t because I thought people with money were inherently better than those without, it was just that I thought I couldn’t keep my son because I wasn’t stable financially.  If I had found out the parents were asking for donations or needing to fundraise for the adoption costs I would have been very upset.  In my mind, it would have meant that they were more worthy because people liked them enough to contribute to them, but not to me.

Adoption is seen by the majority of our society as a positive thing.  Most people only see adoption from the point of view of the people who can not have children biologically and want more than anything to raise a child.  It is acceptable to help a couple in need who just want to have a family of their own.  It is less acceptable to help a woman in need raise her own child.

Adoption Fundraising for International Adoption : Who is it Really Helping?

As far as international adoption fundraisers are concerned it just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.  Adopting one child from another country is so expensive, wouldn’t that money do so much more good by donating it to a community or an orphanage?  I get it, really I do.  These people want to grow their family.  It just kills me that this needs to be done by removing a child from their country of origin.

Children in our country that are in foster care are much cheaper to adopt.  I have read that the process is much lengthier for foster care adoptions and much more involved.  But these children are just as worthy as those in other countries.  If someone needs to fundraise to adopt overseas, isn’t foster care adoption a much more feasible option?

Raising Money for Child/Baby Purchase

In my idea of a perfect adoption system, no money would change hands at all.  Usually people who are adopting say that they have the means to take care of the child once they’re home, but it’s getting them home that they need help with.  If that’s true, it just sounds like people are buying babies and children.  So in that light, fundraising is the means to buy a child.  That is not right.

I understand that with the extremely high cost of domestic infant adoptions and international adoptions, most people just don’t have that kind of money saved up.  But does that mean it’s ethical to ask others to help with the cost, thereby reinforcing the extreme financial costs of the adoption industry?  What are your thoughts?

I would love to hear from adoptive parents who have gone this route.  No, this isn’t some kind of trick.  I really want to understand the thought process behind fundraising.  What kind of adoption would you/did you fundraise for?  If you agree with fundraising for IA would you/do you support fundraising for domestic infant adoptions?

Bravelove.org – The Wacky World of Adoption Agencies

Bravelove : A Fountain of Adoption Misinformation

Claud over at Musings of the Lame has written an informative piece on Bravelove.  Their mission?   Yeah, I’m her stalker superfan.  She’s got mad investigating skills, check out what she dug up on Bravelove.

Bravelove Uses Adoption Propaganda to Get Fresh Infants

I want to address Bravelove’s video (seen below):

So, what’s wrong with this video, you ask?

1. It is written from the supposed viewpoint of a child and presumably an adoptee.  This would lead someone to believe that all adoptees are thrilled they are adopted (false) and that all adoptees view their birth mothers in a positive light (also false).  An expectant mother would view this video thinking that adoption is what is best for the child (yup false). Of course we want what is best for our baby, but adoption is not always the answer.  The only thing adoption can promise is that our baby’s life will be different, not better.  It is also disturbing that the agency is speaking FOR adoptees through this child.

2. Birthmothers are called superheroes.  If I am an expecting mother watching this, I’m probably thinking it would be really cool to be a superhero and the only way to gain that status is to give my baby away.  It is much more heroic to raise your own child when faced with obstacles. So, if I’m a superhero for giving my child away, what am I if I decide to keep him?  A super villain?

It also implies that the adoptee will view their birthmother as such. Take a look at all the adult adoptee blogs out there.  There are many, many views about their first mothers.  It’s never as simple as, “she was a superhero.”

3. If we replace the weird super hero jedi kid running around and mouthing off about adoption with a prospective adoptive mother the entire tone and attitude of the video changes.  It would sound like a person who really really really really wants to raise someone else’s baby.  It would sound like they were entitled to raise someone’s baby.  It would be offensive.

4. All the double-talk Mom-mother speak is confusing.  Which one am I again?

5.  Quote from the masked jedi, “She can turn 9 months into a lifetime…”  The first time I watched this video I literally yelled, “OF PAIN” at the computer.  Tell me, Obi-wan Adoptee, what exactly does a lifetime without your child feel like?  What exactly does a lifetime of being separated from your first family feel like?

6. MAYBE that’s easier said than done??? MAYBE??? But being a superhero always is. There is no maybe about it. Giving my child away was the most traumatic event in my life thus far. I could not have chosen a more painful path to walk on in this lifetime.  I assure you that giving my baby away is far more painful than raising him on my own could have ever been.

Bravelove Needs Expectant Mothers to Believe They are Saints

Could this company try any harder to make women think they are saints for giving up their children?  Since when is it an expecting mother’s DUTY to make a couple a family?

What is even worse than this video is Bravelove’s facebook page  They offer up statistics, never citing where they came from. They have nauseating “fill in the blank, adoption is….” posts which of course have adoptive parents lining up to tell us what adoption means to them.  Their entire page and website is visual ipecac.

Just yesterday, the mission on their facebook page and website was stated as “increasing domestic adoptions”.  Funny how today it has been changed to: “To change the perception of adoption through honest, informative, and hopeful communication that conveys the heroism and bravery a birth mother displays when she places her child with a loving family through adoption.”  I guess the PR peeps thought that stating they wanted to increase their supply of fresh out of the womb infants for the growing demand of adopters with tons of money to throw at their agency was a little too truthful.

My final thought on Bravelove: Their website and facebook page is only presenting the image of the “happy adoption.” There is no exploration or communication of the fact that there are many people out there that have been through or are still involved in adoption that don’t view adoption in a happy light.

Positive Adoption Language Pffft!

Image

Language is important.  It shapes how we view the world.  Pro-lifers, for example, use the word MURDER a lot when talking about abortion while pro-choicers use TERMINATION or ABORTION.  Both groups are talking about the same thing, but the words they use help shape their argument.  Their words help persuade others to see things their way.

Over at Birth Mother, First Forum, Loraine Dusky has a great article about the adoption language issue.  She writes so eloquently, it is a must read.

Positive Adoption Language: Who Does it Benefit?

“Postitive Adoption Language”  helps persuade expecting mothers into giving up their children and I flat out refuse to participate in the industry’s silly reindeer games anymore.  The worst phrase is the (insert happy fairytale music here) “adoption plan.”  Holy crap, did you just see that rainbow?

Oh silly expecting mother, you are not giving your child away, you are making a plan.  Uh say wha?  Let’s call a spade a spade.  You are giving your baby to virtual strangers to raise and care for.  You may be involved in the choosing of who the strangers are going to be.  You may choose what agency you will use.  Yes,  there are many ways to plan to give your child away but it still is giving them away.

The phrase “adoption plan” also conveys that the mother is in control.  She is making a choice, a loving one in fact (there’s that pesky rainbow again), and has planned accordingly.  She is not leaving the baby in a dumpster. What really kills me about “making an adoption plan” is that this involves the nauseating process of matching with prospective adopters.  Meeting the would-be adopters and involving them in her adoption plan is a huge conflict of interest for her and constitutes coercion.  I would say that the adopters and agency are making the adoption plan for her unborn baby, not the mother.  It’s all smoke and mirrors.  Choosing to use the phrase adoption plan makes it seem like the mother is an informed decision maker.  Like she is making a plan and has considered and rejected all the ways she could keep her baby.  Sure, that is true in some cases, but not all.  It’s malarkey, a mother is choosing to give away her baby, plain and simple.  It is what it is. Making a plan does not make it different.

Just once I would like to see a parenting plan offered a mother considering adoption.  A REAL ONE.  Oh but wait! There is a term for a mother choosing a parenting plan, it’s called a failed adoption or a failed match.  Holy shitting christ on a cracker, what the fuck is that? I’ll tell you what that is. It’s “positive adoption language.” Actually, saying a mother is keeping her baby is more accurate.  She didn’t flunk out of adoption school.  There’s no “F” on her life report card.  It’s more accurate to say the agency failed to procure a child for the would-be adopters.  Or the adopters failed to coerce the mother into giving away her baby.

Birth Mother Means Mother Period

The term “birth mother” is viewed as being diminishing of our role to many of us.  I actually agree with that sentiment.  When I talk to people in real life, I don’t refer to myself as such, I simply say mother or my son, not my birth son.  When I use it here on my blog, I am doing so because it’s less confusing for anyone reading it.  I do prefer the term first mother, because I was the first mother in my son’s life. But not everyone knows what that means so I use birth mother here a lot to describe myself.  I probably should stop doing that because it makes it seem like I was an incubator. But I think of myself as my son’s mother, period, that’s it.  He has another mother as well, I’m not diminishing that by any means.  We are both his mother in very different ways.  The most truthful thing to me would be to call adoptive mothers the parent and birth mothers the mother, but I’m not sure that anyone would get on board with that.

All of the nonsensical pro adoption speak is meant to invoke a less emotional response for people when they think about adoption.  The exception being when it’s the people hoping to benefit from adoption, then words like failure are thrown around.  The language is meant to play down the impact of adoption for the mother. It’s meant to convey to the world around us that adoption is a wonderful thing for adopters and not all that terrible for mothers who surrender.  I call bullshit. Yup, BOOLSHHEEETTT. Just like the miracle of adoption. phffft.

The Adoption Tax Credit (2 Thumbs WAY Down)

Claudia over at Musings of the Lame has written a great post about the Adoption Tax Credit on her blog.   She eloquently expresses (better than I could ever dream of doing) why the Adoption Tax Credit is just so wrong.  Towards the bottom of her blog post she has links to write your congressman about not supporting the bill, please use them, it only takes a few minutes to have your voice heard.  She has also written a short, but fabulous piece on the NY Times site about the Adoption Tax Credit.

The Adoption Tax Credit Should be About Foster Children

The adoption tax credit started out helping families who adopted children out of the foster care system.  I am all for that and believe that is an excellent use of our tax money.  These children are in genuine need of stable, loving environments and their adoptive families deserve a tax break.

Now the credit has been perverted into a way that entitled adopters can recoup come of the money they shell out to buy infants, domestically and in other countries.  Call the money they spent fees, it still equates to buying an infant in my eyes.  Okay fine, but now they not only want the ability to buy infants, now we all must subsidize them?  How in the flying f*ck can that be a good idea?

The answer from adopters that I hear most often is that the fees associated with adoption are astronomical and they are entitled to have a family just like everyone else.  Having a tax credit allows them to become families when they otherwise would not have been able to afford it.  I can not get on board with this.  There are so many would-be adopters out there in the US.  If they are so appalled and outraged at the fees they have to pay to grow their family, why not use that voice to OPPOSE the astronomical costs associated with it?  Why just go along with the status quo?  As far as I know, the demand for infants in the US far outweighs the supply.  It is my opinion that adopters refuse to use their voices because they know that if the adoption industry takes away the money involved there will be even less infants available for adoption.  How did I jump to that conclusion?

The Adoption Tax Credit and Adoption Agencies

Adoption agencies are businesses.  They have no incentive to present objective information to expecting mothers.  Their incentive is money. No baby available for adoption means no money coming in.  So why on earth would they offer more than a cursory “it’s your right to keep your baby” to expecting mothers who come to them for help? Now, if there were no money involved in the adoption industry, there would be every reason to supply expecting mothers with reams of information about the pro’s and CON’s of giving their child away.  A better informed mother, in my opinion, would mean less infants available and NO ONE, let alone adopters, wants that.

Our government should be concerned with finding homes for children in the foster care system who truly need them, both from an ethical perspective and a financial perspective.  Our government should NOT be concerned with finding babies for adopters who feel entitled to them.  Adoption should ALWAYS be about finding homes for needy children, not finding children for needy parents.