Like so many others, I had been following the Capobianco-Brown adoption tragedy with great interest. Also, like so many others, I am appalled and outraged at the outcome of this case.
I have read the opposing side’s viewpoints, comments, and posts along with the court transcripts trying to see where the Capo supporters were coming from. The conclusion I have come to? The main priority in adoption in our society is the wants and happiness of the adopters. This has been an incredibly devastating realization for me. I want to believe in the inherent good in people. I want to believe that adoption is always about what is best for the person being adopted. I want to believe that adoption is only for children with no other options. This case has beaten the crap out of my optimism in people. How could this be allowed to happen? When did adoption become about fulfilling the wants of adults?
In almost all of the comments and articles I have read involving this case, the focus is the Capobiancos’ heartbreak. Their longing for a child. Their fight for their child. And I certainly could have sympathized with them in the beginning. It must be heart wrenching to care for a baby and grow to love them and then have the baby removed from your home. But, I can only sympathize with them up to a point. As soon as they were aware that Veronica’s father was not aware of the adoption, the right thing would have been to make sure he agreed with the adoption. It would have been the right thing to do for Veronica.
Granted, I am neither an adoptive parent, nor am I an adoptee. However, barring neglect or abuse, it has always been my position that it is best for a person to be raised in their biological family. Are there times when that is not possible? Yes, but for Veronica, this was not the case. How can anyone justify removing a child from their biological parent who does not agree to it?
I can debate back and forth about what Dusten Brown signed, if he knew what he was signing, and what his reasoning was, but the fact is, he never agreed to the adoption of his daughter. Even if someone agrees that everything the Capobiancos did was legal, how can that same person not agree that it was unethical? How can anyone believe that being taken away from Veronica’s biological father to be raised by genetic strangers against her father’s will is what is best for Veronica? Because, in the end, I can sympathize with both sides, but it is Veronica’s best interests that we should all be discussing.
The sad fact of the matter is that these types of unethical adoption situations happen regularly. The general public does not hear about them regularly because typically the biological family does not have the financial support to pursue the matter to the fullest extent. This is a losing proposition for the child who someday will become an adult with questions about their adoption. These types of unethical adoptions can not be allowed to continue.
Surely any thinking person can look at this case and see that there were a multitude of unethical goings on here. Surely we can all agree that this is no way for an adoption to take place. We, as a society, need to continue the conversation about what is ethical and what is not in adoption. How can adoption laws and guidelines be so varied from state to state? How can adoption be so unregulated? At the bare minimum, adoption laws in every state should be transparent and easy to decipher for all parties. How do we get back to adoption being about what is best for the person being adopted?