I get called angry and bitter a lot. Not in real life, but in virtual life. In real life, I would be described as a middle-of-the-roader. I am a person that never wants to upset the apple cart. Most times, I may have a strong opinion on a subject, but don’t feel comfortable enough to take a position and argue it with people I do not know very well. I am a confrontation-avoider.
The truth is, in real life, adoption isn’t something that comes up in conversation much. I run into the occasional person in the process of adopting, but I don’t really feel it is my place to get in their face about how they are going about it. I have yet to be asked what my thoughts are on adoption in real life. That is probably because I don’t have “birth mother” tattooed on my forehead.
In virtual life, adoption seems to be everywhere. There are adoptive parent blogs, first mother blogs, adoptee blogs, prospective adoptive parent blogs, and a myriad of adoption facebook pages. There are blogs and facebook pages for every position under the sun, for or against, anti or pro. I also have many personal, real life friends on facebook that have adopted or are in the process of adopting.
I do a lot of posting on the internet about my opinions about adoption, mostly domestic infant adoptions. While many of my comments are on pages that are similar to my perspective, I also do a fair amounting of commenting on pages which carry the opposite perspective. I do this because there are so many pages devoted to painting adoption as a beautiful, miraculous event and I feel it is a small thing that I can do for a woman who may be perusing those pages to see another side of the coin.
Inevitably, there are people who do not like that. And, of course, I get called angry and bitter…A LOT!
I embrace being angry. Anger is an active emotion. It is the reason I write about adoption issues. It is a motivator. I am angry that women are lied to. I am angry that families are being separated. I am angry that I am not raising my son. I am angry that people are making money from adoption. YES, ANGRY! My anger motivates me to seek out ways to change the system. Anger is not apathy. Anger is a stepping stone to change. Being called angry is not an insult, it means I am getting to you.
I don’t view bitterness as an active emotion. Bitterness implies a constant state of wallowing. Bitterness is taking in anger without letting any of it out. It is identifying oneself as a victim without working toward changing what made you a victim. So no, I am not bitter. I refuse to let someone turn me into merely a victim and sit on the sidelines watching while another woman is bulldozed over. I will not be that.
So, I love adoption peeps, call me angry, call me rage-filled, call me anything, but not bitter. Not anymore.