Adoption vs. Abortion: What are Pro-lifers Not Telling Us

I said Goddamn I loves me some misinformation and deliberate withholding of the truth.  It makes my innards tingle.

This is a chart on americanadoptions.com listing the differences and similarities between adoption and abortion.

Similarities
Adoption Abortion
You can pursue earlier goals You can pursue earlier goals
You can live independently You can live independently
You will not have to parent prematurely You will not have to parent prematurely
You will avoid being forced into a hasty marriage or relationship You will avoid being forced into a hasty marriage or relationship
If you are a teenager, you can resume your youthful lifestyle If you are a teenager you can resume your youthful lifestyle
Note: There are no similarities between parenting and abortion. One important similarity between adoption and parenting is that you can give life to your child and watch your child grow up.
Differences
Adoption Abortion
Your pregnancy ends with giving life Your pregnancy ends with death
You can feel good and positive about your choice You may feel guilt and shame about your choice
You will remember giving birth You will remember taking a life
You will have plenty of time to plan you and your baby’s future Abortion is final; you can’t go back on your decision
You can hold, name, and love your baby You will never know or treasure your baby
You can have continued contact with your baby You will miss the opportunity to see your child develop
(Bethany Christian Services)

Truth and Transparency Needs to be a Priority in Adoption Practice

So yeah the first half of the chart seems pretty accurate and straightforward.  There are many positive similar outcomes between the two for women.

Scrolling down to the differences and bingo!  Out comes the manipulation and outright lies. Let’s break it down.

First up, pregnancy ending with giving life versus death.  A major point I need to get across is that no one is out aborting babies just prior to their birth.  So really we’re talking about giving life vs removing a ball of cells.  That is my personal view on abortion and I don’t expect everyone to agree.

Next we have feeling good and positive about your choice versus feeling guilt and shame about your choice.  This one made me chuckle a bit.  I’ve known quite a few women who have chosen abortion and none of them feel guilt or shame or even regret over their decision.  It was a medical procedure they underwent, no complications, tiny ball of cells gone, carry on with your life.  None of these women took the decision lightly, but all are fine with it.  I have met many women, including myself, who have chosen adoption and all of them carry guilt, shame, regret, sadness, and lifelong negative consequences of their decision.  What the chart should say is that although some women can feel good and positive about their decision, most deal with the reverberations of their decision for decades.

Continuing on, we have remembering giving birth versus remembering taking a life.  Oh sweet jeebus, shut the christ up.  This is similar to above.  Yup I remember giving birth and it haunts me every single day.  Knowing what I know now, I would have chosen differently.

The next one cracks me up. I actually don’t think these two things even belong together but you know how those crazy christians are.  So a woman can have plenty of time to plan for their baby’s future or they can have an abortion which is FINAL.  Here’s the thing, BOTH decisions once made, are final.  If they were comparing parenting to abortion I’d agree with them, but adoption is not parenting dumbasses.

Of course you can hold, name and love your baby.  Yes, I held my baby and didn’t let the adoptive parents in the room.  I also named my baby, which the parents promptly removed and then renamed him.  And yup, to this day I love him, but it isn’t a happy love.  It’s loving someone who you can never hold, talk to, express it to.  It’s a sad love. Yes I knew and treasured him for those 2 days but that is it.  I don’t know him anymore although I still treasure him.

And the most deceptive statement at all comes at the bottom of their chart.  You can have continued contact with your baby. Well I don’t.  Countless women who thought they would, do not.  I have blogged about open adoption deception before so I won’t get all the way into it again, but I’m sure you get the idea.

Carrying a Pregnancy to Term for Adoption Purposes has Risks

Of course this simplistic chart gives no actual negatives to adoption but plenty of negatives about abortion.  This is so misleading.  The sole purpose is to con women into giving up their babies. Is it really so much to ask for a little truth and transparency in the adoption industry?  Can’t we agree to fully inform women of all the negative aspects of adoption?  Oh I guess we can’t since that would probably result in more abortions or *gasp* single women parenting their children.

I weep for the the young women today who are talked into adoption by lists such as these.  Give these women access to other viewpoints for fucks sake.

I would venture to guess that most women choose abortion because they do not want to be pregnant.  Pregnancy itself carries far more risks to a woman than abortion alone.  In 2007, the rate of mortality for legal abortions was 0.6 per 100,000 procedures*.  By contrast, the rates of mortality from pregnancy in the US in 2010 was 12.7 deaths per 100,000 live births**.  That number does not even take into account women who died during pregnancy before childbirth.  Why don’t they talk about that on their pro life websites?

 

*World Health Organization. Unsafe Abortion: Global and Regional Estimates of the Incidence of Unsafe Abortion and Associated Mortality in 2003. 5th edition. Geneva: WHO, 2007; http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/publications/unsafe_abortion/9789241596121/en/

 

**source: Centers for Disease Control

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6 comments

    • leenilee

      I’ve read about the lawsuit but I don’t think my narrative fits unfortunately. I was promised updates and photos that weren’t followed through with but I never had an agreement in writing. I fully support the cause though so anything I can do to help let me know!

      • heatherrainbow

        Most of us didn’t have written agreements. You’d definitely fit!! Even just a verbal promise (which is what I had) works in this case. Because there are SO MANY of us! Please contact me if you are interested!

  1. Monika

    I just stumbled on your blog and am scanning your posts. Though I definitely disagree with abortion and do believe it is a life (there’s a heartbeat at 17 days), I will NEVER EVER preach adoption as an abortion alternative. One of my dear friends puts it this way: abortion is a reproductive choice, adoption is a parenting choice. If you abort, you have no opportunity to parent. That may be a choice you make, but there’s no turning back – just as there’s no turning back in adoption or parenting. Unfortunately like yours, there are WAY too many broken adoption relationships (and it should be a relationship – both sets of parents involved), but you are and always will be your child’s mother. Absolutely no legal document can ever take away your motherhood.

  2. Kae

    Hey y’all. I am a birth mom myself and i have chosen adoption twice. There is somethings in this blog i agree with (when you broke down the pros and cons) but at the same time i have a different type of relationship with my kids and their parents. I was promised open and i got it. I get pics and calls and all that from my kids. I know i am lucky. I feel for the women who dont get that. I lucked out and made them sign on paper what type of relationship we were to have. (How many letters, visits, etc etc), I hope everything gets better. ( i would add on the cons for both sides the amount of therapy one has to go through after doing adoption or abortion)

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