So it looks like this blog is turning into more of a “oh you crazy adopter” type of blog and you know what? I am fine with that. There are so many others out there in the adoptoblogosphere who maintain their equilibrium a bit better when confronted with nutballs. I am just not there yet. I would love to be the classy lady who speaks their truth without flushing and spiraling down into a rage filled abyss, but I have not gotten to that place yet. I try to be respectful when commenting on articles or facebook posts, but in reality I sit behind my laptop seething and all I want to do is scream obscenities. So, I am going to do that here (cover your ears)…
First up, we have a driveling article entitled, “Adoptive parent urges: If you’re not ready to parent, consider adoption option”. I’ll let you read it, but be prepared, the interviewee jumps to quite a few conclusions about adoption.
Sarah Hamlin is apparently convinced that more women should put up their children for adoption if they’re unprepared for parenthood. She jumps to the conclusion that us original mothers would have eventually abused or neglected our children, had we kept them, and they would have ended up in foster care in the end. She, of course, has no studies to back that up. The first time I read the article, I wasn’t sure if I was reading it correctly. This Sarah adopter couldn’t really be saying that, right? All of her children are foster adoptees. So she has not had actual experience with infant adoption.
She goes on to say how all of her children’s issues could have been avoided if there was an earlier adoption plan put in place. Okay, in some of her children’s cases I’ll let her have that one. However, one of her children suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome sooooo I’m not sure how an adoption plan would have helped.
And then she starts with the open adoption is a cure-all nonsense. Here’s where I yell, “shut the fuck up” at the screen. Open adoptions are not enforceable and should not be used as cure-all for the heartache of giving up one’s child. She then goes on to say that all of her adoptees have open adoptions, oh except for the one with a drunk for a mother who is probably dead and no one knows where the father is. Uhm yeah that’s not open then arsehole.
The worst thing I can say about this Sarah is that she seems like her heart is in the right place but she is uneducated about infant adoptions in the US. I give her props for adopting out of foster care though.
Moving on to the commenters….here’s where it gets ugly…
First up we have Wendi, obviously an adopter. Wendi backs up her comments with statistics which have no bearing on the conversation. Wendi REALLY likes statistics. Well, actually, just one set of statistics about how many adoptions are infants vs. foster care vs. international. Apparently Wendi refuses to acknowledge the social norms which played a part in baby scoop era adoptions since there are no stats on it. The study which Wendi loves (for what reason I have no idea) had adoptive parents as the survey group. Not one adoptive parent in the survey stated they coerced or stole an infant from its mother, SHOCKING! Walk with me a bit further down the page…
Wendi goes on to proclaim that she is “intimately involved with adopted children and an adoptive parent” herself, I know, I was taken aback as well. She goes on to exclaim that adoptive parents are far more educated than other parents, surprisingly there is no statistic to back that statement up. Wendi then states while open adoptions can close, it’s usually the birth mother who does so because adoptive families understand the importance of open communication. Right, because Wendi is far more superior to us biological mothers who care not a whit for our children’s well beings. In the climax of her comment she goes on to explain to everyone how her child’s birth mother has no regrets. And if she did, I’m absolutely positive you would be the first one she told, Wendi.
A bit further down the page, Wendi once again tells us how her son’s mother feels, because she is
delusional no wait uhm psychic no that’s not right either… and apparently a judge told Wendi her and her son were “now blood”, that must be some medical procedure he had to endure. Wendi is also firmly entrenched with the idea that all birth mothers made an informed choice to give up their children, it’s the law in every state, and so adoption is a beautiful, miraculous thing for her. Oh she also threw in the old standby about how she’s sorry if someone had a bad adoption experience but that is not how most adoptions are, silly me was thinking that all adoptions should be handled ethically and if only one was mishandled it should be looked into since afterall we are talking about human beings.
Of course, I had to pop on over there and write a few things of my own about coercive practices in adoption, about how speaking for birth mothers was really not ok or representative of the truth, and of course about how open adoptions are unenforceable.
The article itself seemed a bit whimsical, but Wendi, Oh dear, sweet, loving, perfect, smart, superior Wendi, really got my blood pressure up. Feel free to head over and contribute to the comments.
Eta–just noticed some of the comments on the article can only be seen from an actual computer for some reason.